What Movies Teach Us About Genetically Engineered Fish

My coworker told me this morning about a new genetically engineered salmon that was just approved for American consumption. My immediate response at just hearing the words “genetically engineered salmon” was “Sounds like we’re asking for a Resident Evil type situation.”
Coworker shook his head and continued to inform me about these fish. I don’t hold it against him he is not the pop-culture junky I am, and perhaps, Resident Evil shouldn’t be brought up in a serious conversation about genetically engineered fish—who am I kidding, of course Resident Evil should be brought up. Have movies taught us nothing!?!
This is what they say about these Frankenfish:
–          It is not materially different than regular salmon. (that’s what they always say and the next scene…zombies.)
–          They have a ravenous appetite. (You know what else has a ravenous appetite… yep zombies)
–          They are born sterile (How many movies have the theme nature always find a way…mmm the ones that usually end with zombies)
–          They continue to grow their entire life span (Giant zombies)
–          They could alter the balance of our whole ecosystem if accidentally introduced into the wild. (Really?!?! Zombies)
Let me play this out for you.
Joe Friday is enjoying his tasty salmon lunch. Heads back to the office feeling full and satisfied. WHAM! Hit by a truck.  Genetically engineered DNA kicks into over drive, bringing one very dead Joe Friday back to life.
Truck driver gets out of the truck, “Oh no, oh no, someone call an ambulance.” Truck driver runs over to Joe Friday to help him out, even though he is a mangled mess.
Lady on the sidewalk stops to call 911, being an upstanding citizen. Truck driver hasn’t seen movies and doesn’t know about Frankenfish, leans over Joe Friday. Joe Friday’s milky eyes pop open, and he takes a chunk from truck driver’s neck because he smelled so delicious, and Joe Friday is ravenous. Lady on the sidewalk screams drawing attention to herself. Victim number 2.

Thus the start of 99.9% of zombie movies, give or take a few details.


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